I have a question you have addressed some, but think you would do black women a great favor by addressing often. Why do so many black women allow themselves to become the girls in the hip-hop songs? You know that ones. They go to the club showing off all they have, and then dudes show up and it’s like the dudes have all the power, their pick of the litter, and the women have reduced themselves to waiting to be anointed by some guy with a nice car. WTF? I’m in love with a black woman whose self-esteem was shit when we met, and I promise you, she’s a 10 in every way. Smart, gorgeous, fun. She has it all, but she was a wife whose hub made good money, cheated on her multiple times, and she always wondered why she wasn’t good enough, or what she was doing wrong. Why do black women act like they are lucky to have a man rather than having legit expectations that the man feel lucky to have them, too?
First let me say it’s not just a black woman issue, it’s an individual woman’s issue. Each woman you encounter is of her own mind and thinking. From the time we are little girls are self-esteem is being built. It’s like building a wall. Every time you are told you are pretty,smart, or cute as a child that is putting a brick on your wall of self-esteem. Now if you come from an abusive home whether it be sexual, physical,or both you won’t have that many bricks in your wall if you have any at all. Even if she wasn’t abused but wasn’t shown any affection or positive attention that can be damaging also. A womans girl years will affect her into her adulthood. If you come from a childhood of lack in love you will latch onto the first person who shows you any kind of affection. If I go to the club dressed conservative offering nothing but great conversation, guess who is buying their own drinks. But if I go out showing all that God gave me I won’t be able to keep men at bay. We live in a society that is beauty before brains. If no one will admit it I will. Hence why women will go with a “thug” or the “abuser” because he is now building the self-esteem wall for her.
The word love in its self is a powerful word so when a man hits his wife yet says ” I did it because I love you so much that you drive me crazy” all she hears is I love you. She will disregard the beating. When a man is cheating on you yet says ” I only fuck her but I’m in love with you.” All she hears is I love you and your better than her. She looks past the fact that he violated the agreement of their relationship which is to be monogamous. The woman you are dealing with now has let her self-esteem be placed in someone else’s hands. Until she realizes that self-esteem comes from “self” and that it isn’t determined by your circumstances but how you feel about yourself in spite of circumstances she will always be this way. It will take time,patience and true unconditional love to make your relationship work for the long run. You have to ask yourself are you willing to deal with re-assuring her she is amazing and that she is beautiful.You will have to show in your actions that you love her, yet you can’t take on the task of saving her or making her become whole since that is her fight. It will take her coming to terms and admitting she has low self-esteem and that she must build herself from the ground up brick by brick. She has to see what you see within her-self. Encourage her dreams or ambitions. Give her space when needed and be her rock when she is wanting to talk down about her-self. Praise her for the little moments. In time you will see a difference in her attitude. But understand at the end of the day it is about what she sees when she looks in the mirror. Keep me updated on how things progress