I have tried to ween myself off the drug that is reality tv . I was trying to be one of the more enlightened Americans who declare they detest THOSE shows. But then a little show called Love And Hip Hop Atlanta debut and just like that I was sucked back in. Love And Hip Hop Atlanta is the second season of the popular Reality drama and is filled with enough ratchet mess to keep you talking for weeks.
What resonated with me about this show is the dynamics of the relationships or lack of them. We see Mimi and Stevie J. Mimi states she and Stevie J have been together for about 15 years (although he had a public engagement Stevie J had with rapper Eve for 4 years) and they share a child together. Sounds innocent to begin with right? Stevie J has a habit of cheating a lot, has four other kids that he doesn’t pay child support for, and is entangled in a dirty affair with his “artist” (yeah I am using that term loosely) Joseline. Then there is Erica and Scrappy J. Erica is the babymother of the hip hop star who has been down with him while he was a struggling local rapper. Once he hit it big in 2006 with his single Money In The Bank ol Erica was given her walking papers and he started a relationship with fellow Atlanta rapper Diamond. Once Diamond decided to upgrade her money by now dating Soulja Boy (that’s not an upgrade IMO), Scrappy comes back to the one he left. There are some more folks but these two relationships are what this post is about.
Most women can relate but will swear on their coach bag that they would NEVER see themselves in either ladies situation. Yet in one point in our love lives we were these women. Mimi being the victim of loving a repeat cheater and staying by his side in hopes that he will get it all out his system. She knows in her heart there are other women, but love keeps her from trusting her gut. Then there is Erica who is basically the “backup plan”. Scrappy leaves her when ever he gets tired of having her around, goes off and does his single thing, then when he is dumped or just feels like hanging around Erica he comes on back because he knows she will be waiting…hence why she is the “backup plan”.
I have been “Mimi”. Trying to believe that he may fuck other girls but he will always love me. I was settling for being his number 1 instead of his only one. I would justify it by telling myself that I am the main chick like that was a damn prize. Knowing that my man was someone else’s man when he wasn’t in my sight. I have been “Erica”. Letting a man go sow his wild oats in an attempt to let him get “it” ,whatever it is, out of his system. Believing his lines of ”not being ready to settle down so please wait for me to get right for you”. Once his heart was broken by a woman with better sense than I had, I would let him come back in and nurse his wounds at my expense. Thinking that I was the special one because no matter what he would always come back to me. Man..I was stupid.
A man will respect you just as much as you respect yourself. If he knows for a second you will not leave him he will take your inch and run a mile. Why make a commitment to a “Backup Plan” girl when she will always be there putting her self-respect last? If he knows that he can have other women because you will turn a blind eye to his cheating then why not do it? We can say that men are dogs but if you are feeding him, bathing him, and petting him even after he has torn holes in your couch he isn’t going to stop tearing up things. So what are you doing to show that cheating is wrong? You shed a few tears and make some ultimatums but if you don’t follow through its worth nothing. So what do we learn from these two relationships? We learn that pain equals real love. We learn that there is no accountability for either person involved. We learn that to be in a relationship will mean sacrificing self-respect and dignity. We learn that to love means to settle. If this is what is being taught to use about modern love then how bout instead of calling the show Love And Hip we say what it really is…Lack of LOVE for yourself and Hip Hop.