Monogamy…Is That Your Final Answer?

For as long as I could remember I was told about the rules of marriage.  According to modern society marriage is to be a monogamous, to be between a man and a woman, and to be for life. Yet if we let scientist tell it monogamy is against human nature.  An article from  The Huffington Post suggest that monogamy is not meant to be what we live by:

Regardless of labels, a central theme seems to be emerging in contemporary sexuality research:monogamy is not natural. This is not a moral opinion. This statement does not imply that monogamy is or is not somehow healthy or right for human culture or individual happiness. It also does not imply that monogamy is an unattainable goal for those striving to attain it. It simply means that monogamy does not seem to fit well within the natural landscape, especially that of our evolutionary predecessors.

 

Monogamy isn’t the only option when it comes to being in a relationship or marriage. While I don’t want you to now use this as an excuse to cheat, I do want you to keep in mind there are many ways to have a marriage and it work. Swingers were wife swapping way before NBC made it a family friendly show.  The North American Swingers Club Association describes swinging as:

Swinging is social-sexual intercourse with someone other than your mate, boyfriend or girlfriend, excepting the traditional one-on-one dating. It may be defined as recreational social sex

Swingers don’t broadcast their lifestyle out of fear of social criticism. The average age for a swinging couple is 38 and have been married for 7 years or more. Many have said this lifestyle has saved their marriage from divorce.

If you believe in loving more than one person maybe you are Polyamorous. The Polyamory Society defines Polyamory as

Polyamory is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultanously.  Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time

 

Polyamory let’s you have love in abundance since you are not tied down to one person. The downside is that jealousy can be strong if one of the people involved start to feel neglected. While people may look at this form of a relationship as greedy. This would actually work with the theory that monogamy is not natural. You are able to love whoever your heart connects to without the thought of cheating or going against the norm.

If more than one partner is too much but monogamy still isn’t for you then you may be a “Moderate Monogamist” or “Monogamish”. Popular gay rights activist and “It Get’s Better” campaign co-creator Dan Savage made up this term to describe some gay relationships but I feel that this could also work for the heteros.

“writer Dan Savage, who coined the term monogamish to signify committed relationships in which the partners are, he explains, “mostly monogamous, but there’s a little allowance for the reality of desire for others and a variety of experiences and adventure and possibility.”

All of these lifestyles  to me makes a lot of sense and this is why. I never believed in cheating being the sexual act itself but the lying that goes into hiding your infidelities. In each of these lifestyles the partner should be honest with you giving you a choice to participate in sharing or loving someone else.  As long as you are practicing safe sex, keeping communication open, and living your truth is it wrong? Although we are told that marriage and love are supposed to be one way, that doesn’t necessarily make it your way. If you and your partner find yourself questioning the state of your relationship maybe you should look into other alternative ways to love.